I'm Hurtin, I'm Sad, and I'm Mad (repost)

This is a repost from August 30 and September 1st, 2005.....Happy Birthday Katrina...I will never forget how you made me feel ...A year later and I'm still Hurtin, sad, and mad...Seems like nothing changed...

August 30th, 2005:

In light of the recent catastrophe...I've been glued to the news for images and reports.

For me? Hurricane Katrina began on Sunday afternoon. If I don't go to church on Sunday, I listen to Kiss Fm for the Open Line news program and watch CNN. I was reclining on the couch and my phone rings. It's C ringing in from Memphis and this is how the convo went:

Diva: Hey dog, there a big hurricane coming in down south. Yall heard the news?

C: Naw, you know we don't get no fucking news here.

Diva: How come u get MTV and not CNN? (Silence) Well shit, this thing is big. The red circle is enormous. They talking 'bout it's gonna wipe out New Orleans.
C: New Orleans? The city?
Diva: No, the country. Yeah the city!
C: That's a big city
Diva: Yeah man
C: Ain't that where them Cash Money Boys is from? And uhh what's his name. "Make you say UGH"
Diva: Yeah Master P. The weird thing is they keep showing the diagram of the city and how it could potentially flood. Like why would anybody build a city between two levies? That makes no sense to me. Like it was meant to flood.
C: Levies?
Diva: (realizing I would have to explain the concept of levies to her while she's in a Jeep with 3 kids) Simply put...they put it between a lake and a river.
C: Well that was stupid.
Diva: I know. They talking about evacuation.
C: You know what? They say that shit all the time and don't nothing happen. Look how many times they put them people out of Florida.
Diva: I know. Spending all that money in gas..... driving. (Gas is now a touchy subject)
C: Yeah gas is high as hell!

How many of you thought the same thing when you first heard it was coming?

I wish that we were right and the evidence of the destruction was wrong.

We now know that it was serious. It looked like a tsunami hit.

C doesn't have any power in the house because of the hurricane. And she's in Memphis, TN. The Electric Company worker told her that it would take a week for working power in the house. All the way to work, there were no working street lights. There were reports of disoriented elderly roaming the streets in the area where she lives. I can only imagine what those people further South in New Orleans and MS are going through.

I really feel for them and my prayers are constantly buzzing in the Lord's ear.

Please send up a couple yourselves.

September 1st,2005:



I'm fucking heated. I'm watching them let my people die down there in New Orleans and I want to hurt somebody. The people are dying down there and this fucking government is letting them suffer. I don't talk alot about race and heavy topics like that. Anything I say could be misinterpreted by anyone. That's why I love writing. What's said is on paper.

But this has elevated my stress like crazy. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I can't focus in class. I had to write it out to even stop thinking about it. I was chatting with Grayse yesterday. We agreed that now is the time when we need our troops home. Who better to help out in an emergency like this? The young and able men of our country. Who are dying over there in Iraq. It's so retarded. I mean, what's really going on here? Right Spike? I can't seem to stop talking about it. Sassywow and I have been on constant IM. Even my baby Bro and I watch the news together in our respective homes..I'm stressed out.

I wanna do something. I have nothing but my prayers and a budgeted donation. My hands feel so tied. My people are dying and I can't help. I can write about how angry I was when I saw the difference between the captions as Fresh pointed out in Crunk. I mean really...Everybody would be going to grab some sustenance. I don't know about the brother carrying the TV...or the woman with the shopping cart full of purses that I saw on CNN. But why White folks "find" and Black folks "loot". It makes me so angry. Why are my people stuck in their projects...gathered in the streets...and all they want to show me are some fools running into Walmart?
Finally, I'm seeing them show images from the Convention Center. The government ain't got shit to say so far about those people. There are some good things going on with San Antonio opening up their Dome. But who wants to live in a football dome for months? We have a real crisis on our hands. And I'm scared. I read blogs about people who have had to double up their homes, like Serenity 23 and I feel for them. I wept and prayed for those that couldn't be found like Nikki and Diggs. And I shouted with joy when they were reported safe. I have begun to love my blog family. Lord, I can even fathom how Jamal and EJ must feel. And all the others that I don't even know about.

This hurts. And I hurt for all of you. I just wanted to write that. And I'm so sad. And very Mad!


A year later...how do yall feel?

Mic Check 1, 2, 1,2

How dare they say

That a love like ours wont last?

God made no mistakes

When He sheltered me with your heart

There's no safer place than to be in love

And here I will stand

And there ain't never

Ain't gonna never ever leave you alone - Anthony Hamiton

There's always something isn't there? Some kinda bullshit. That's not the reason behind this post...or maybe it should be. When does the line finally appear to some people? You know what line I'm talking about. The one that says "Whoa....maybe this is the breaking point". But there all always some people who are habitual line steppers. Yeah I jacked the line....Dave Chapelle was right on the money!

But at what point do we check ourselves? Wonder if maybe we have gone too far....Maybe have that Morris Day moment...where after saying some real foul shit....we stop and think whoa...did I really say some mean shit?

I know I check myself. I can only go but so far when it comes to teasing or ribbing....and I can't really go too far when yelling and screaming...Very quickly I check myself and bring it down a notch.

This may be my problem. Maybe I do need to yell back more. Scream back more. Act out more. Hang up in faces more. Let negroes know exactly what's on my mind a whole lot more.

But I don't.

I check myself.

Maybe more people should.

Because you see.

Me and Scribe are doing very well. Happy as a coupla teenagers with the house to themselves and their parent's credit cards. So the line can't be crossed there.

No.

It won't be.

Because I can answer any question one may throw at me. Try me.

Yes he believes in God Yes he is a working man Yes he is just right with my kids Yes he takes care of them too shall I list all of the things he's bought them done with them the kids love him I assure you Me Are you kidding No he is in no ways cheap he treats me like a queen my bills paid and never a question if I need more it's not an act because it shows in everthing he does or say we talk alot because we believe in communication no we don't argue because we talk a lot you want to know about the bedroom.......Listen to the second song on my mixtape....and then ask me if you still have questions.

Oh yeah...look to your left on my template-in-progress...DJ Diva has returned to publishing radio blogs. This one is "X Rated August". The kids have been gone and well...Me and Scribe have been acting like Roger and Jessica Rabbit. I am also freer in terms of what I play in the car and around the house. The twins will finally be coming home next Friday. Scribe and I PAID for them to come home on the plane....mostly him (must give credit where credit is due)...The thought of them traveling 20-24 hours on a Greyhound bus was unthinkable. And because my exhusband chose to move somewhere and be broke....he couldn't afford to send them home...forget that I paid for them to get there....If he ever sees them again...it will be because he arranged and paid for it. To have an Armani fetish on a minimum wage budget is ridiculous.....and that's another reason why we are divorced!

And the worst is when people I feel should be loyal to me...somehow feel sorry for him...because he and his wife are broke...NOT MY PROBLEM...I could be a cold person when I want to be...but to know all year your kids are visiting you and to not have saved up for at least their trip home is simply stupid, selfish and idiotic! Let's not forget that you owe me about $3000 in back child support. That I never even mention. and $100 bucks every two weeks barely makes a dent in their eating bill Negro....

But I don't complain....

I got them down there...and WE are bringing them home...

But for anyone else to get involved in this.....and have two cents to say as to whether or not I am justified in my reaction...That I am being heartless toward a shitless, empty headed Negro? I should be understanding because him and his wife are having a hard time down there in ATL where they fled to avoid child support and visitation requirements....uhhh

NO!

Nobody was understanding when I took a year off from working to finish my degree...although I scraped and borrowed...the twins were fed..clothed...sheltered...schooled...driven...and loved! With no help from him or the people who may have something to say about how I feel right now...

But the bullshit stops here.

Some may say it's because Scribe is in my life...He has heard that he has changed too...a little more stronger so to speak...they are right. We have become empowered by real love to combat all foolishness and assholishness as well. So similar to what my baby wrote recently: You don't like it that he does a lot for me? Fuck you...Seriously ...fuck you....You mad cause I'm happy? Fuck you...you mad cause you can't say anything against Scribe? Fuck you...You try to use other ways of getting back at me for some bullshit you made up in your own mind? Fuck you...

If you are a habitual line stepper...and you step over my line...be prepared for what's coming...it's not pretty...at all.

Now my blog family should know that this is not directed at yall at all. If it were as simple as a internet nah-sayer...a post would not even be necessary..a quick delete and your little opinion has vanished.....on the contrary...you guys have been nothing but supportive of my decision to pick a wonderful guy and fall in love and be happy...

That's what everyone wants right? to be happy?

Then why keep telling me that the honeymoon will end....and oh eventually I won't be able to stand him....Oh he's going to get on your nerves...You gonna get sick of all that rabbit love....

Is it because you can't believe we've been blissful this long and continue to be? we've been together almost four months and neither of us have turned into sarcastic, back biting, teeth gnashing scorpions....yeah it's still early...so why start taking the love for granted? Why begin to lessen our opinions of each other? Our trust and faith? Yeah it's blissful....because that's the way WE like it...Neither of us likes to fight...and even though there has only been one....we try earnestly to avoid hurt feelings....but it seems that the only people who are hurting us...is not us...it's the outsiders...

Maybe that's because we choose not to hurt each other.

We choose to check ourselves.

More people should.

All I have to say to those who don't? ...is stand back...watch real love in progress...Maybe you'll learn something.

I hope you enjoy my music but listen with caution for curses if you are against that sort of thing...This is a DJ DIVA and not Clean Spirit production...but she's coming back too.......I think I'll throw up ScribeDiva Love Vol 1 on Monday....Enjoy your weekend and thanks for listening as I got that off my chest....

Scribe's 3rd Takeover (His take on Tyrone my cat)

You know...you guys are missing out if you don't read him...he is an extrordinary writer with great insight and humor infused in his subjects....And I ain't saying that just because I love him!!! LOL

I am not Diva's man.

Tyrone is.

I'll start from the beginning.

I knew Tyrone and me were going to have problems the first time we met. He sauntered over, rubbed his head and body on my legs, lured me to pet him, and bit me. That's the cat equivalent of a sucker punch.

The beef was on.

I couldn't understand why he didn't like me. I had always been friendly to cats...some of my best friends are cats. Ask Tiger or Gotham...I treated them like family. Hell, even SupposedToBe...yeah I named him SupposedToBe...he was my very first cat...he was supposed to be a Dog. SupposedToBe loved me to death. But Tyrone? Nah man. This feline saw me as one of those "Johnny Come Slide In Negroes" I'm always warning Diva about.

You know the ones.....

Happily Involved Girlfriend: "My boyfriend doesn't like poetry, I read him a poem and he didn't even understand it."
JCSIN: "Oh, he doesn't like poetry?....I LOVE poetry...I write it all the time."

Next thing you hear...

"Ancient powers of evil...transform my broke..lame...ass...to Langston Huuuuughes!
(Oh like you didn't watch Thundercats...you didn't?...damn that's messed up.)

Sorry, got sidetracked...stay with me.

I had come into Tyrone's home, taken his girl, and then rubbed it in by reducing him to voyeur status. He was pissed and he was not going to take this lying down.

TYRONE'S ACTS OF REVENGE (the short list)

1. Out of the six possible places Diva and I store our clothes, I occupy 2, Tyrone has slept in both.

2. One day I'm walking past the bathroom, the door is open (kids on vacation...Hi Girls!...I miss you two sooooo much...wait until you two see your room!)...sorry...Okay, so I'm walking past the bathroom, Diva is showering and who has their ass hanging out of the shower curtain and their head all in it just visually molesting the Diva????...Tyrone. I THOUGHT CATS HATED WATER!!! No respect.

3. Take a cheese grater...now briskly rub it on the top of your hand...that's Tyrone's tounge you're feeling. I know this because this how he chose to wake me at about 3 a.m. in the morning.

4. I have a number of light colored suits. Tyrone doesn't like those. He likes the ones where his hair is sure to show up the most prominent. This is why he continually rubs his body on my pant leg...RIGHT BEFORE I'M LEAVING FOR WORK!!!!!

He has committed more acts of disrespect towards me than anything you feed and give water to should. I decided that the only way to calm this dude down was to break him down and rebuild him ala Steve Alston.

First things first....Ass whooping. Look...spare the rod, spoil the cat okay? It wasn't even like I planned it. One day he bit one of the twins, she came and told me and I was like, "Oh now you're bugging the f*ck out!" It wasn't even a "bite", more like a love-snap...still. I wore that ass out in the Bathroom (no yelling, no protection from Diva, just me and him in the box). I thought after that we'd have a new cat...we don't...we have a more determined cat. Tyrone has reverted to pining for pity to get love. I'm sure you all know Tyrone is "fixed"...nope...no cajones (No nuts for a cat who's behavior suggests he has a pair the size of baseballs!). He knows Diva feels a little bad about it, I mean as a man, the jewels are mucho important and are not permitted to disappear for any length of time. Tyrone will come into the room, lay flat on his back, cock both of his hindlegs open...to reveal an empty crotch where cajones once frolicked about. This is his way of saying..."LOOK, LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO ME....MEEEEEEE)...what a con-artist! On cue, Diva will go, "awwwww, I'm sorry baby" and then grab him up and begin to speak to him in what I've termed the "cat language".

Its unintelligible to everyone else but her and Tyrone...awwooukemensuknowmommylubsyou.....its disgusting.

So I'm at a loss now. Still getting hair all over my ish. Still getting ran up on in the middle of the night with little swipes to the ankles. Still getting no respect.

I give up.

Tyrone you win.

Diva is yours.

Yeah I'm now 4th on the depth chart, but every now and then, when Diva isn't looking...I put my foot dead in his ass...just to remind him I'm still the boss....

He doesn't get tight though...he's a playa...game recognize game.

Seriously, I love the ol' furball. Still want a dog. Have a good day!

WORLDWIDE WEDNESDAY (200th post)

I have written 200 pieces for yall...show me some lub...

Yes we are back with Worldwide Wednesday...especially since Serenity nominated me for BEST POLITICAL OR WORLD NEWS BLOG...I think that's what the category was...well I nominated myself for it all...ok ok...I nominated yall for some....ok.... so we didn't make it to the finals for best black weblogs...I guess I should have put up a link for folks to nominate me...but then again...I don't blog for awards...including my boyfriend Scribe (he hates that term...prefers MAN LOL)...But I did nominate him for Best Newbie....You need to go check out his post on Tyrone...it's hilarious ...complete with pics.... I'll probably jack him and post it here by the weekend...or write a Tyrone response...

But lets go spanning the world!!!!!!!


AFRICA

Ok well this is something I never thought would happen....SNOW in South Africa...that in itself sounds like an oxymoron...but ladies and gentlemens it is quite possible...It's the first time in 8 years the article says....and I guess it could happen since it's in such close proximity to Antarctica...but all I can say is wow....in related news...I hope the land transfer from the whites to blacks goes well down there in South Africa and it doesn't turn into a land snatching massacre:

Agriculture and Land Affairs Minister Lulu Xingwana has warned that her department plans to seize properties under claim if buyers and sellers failed to come to agreements within six months....

Under the anti Aparthied rules...the whites are suppossed to hand over land that they forced the natives to give up...but of course we know that's not going to run smoothly...anybody surprised?

Things are gonna get a bit hotter in Nigeria. Nigeria plans to build nuclear power plants within the next 12 years. The country's President Olusegun Obasanjo states that it will increase Nigeria's electrical power....but according to the US Nigeria doesn't have a large problem: "Nigeria’s power plants are operating well below capacity due to a combination of poor maintenance and low water levels at hydropower stations. "...

Too many Nigerians syphoning oil from huge pipes and capturing oil executives to be worried about the maintenence on a electrical plant.

India

I like how that color is the color of curry LOL.....I wanted to follow Africa witha nice little story about India. Things were tense as India celebrated it's 59th Independence and Pakistan it's 60th...it brings to mind how short of a time each country has actually been free from colonial (read European) rule:

India gained independence from Britain in 1947, when more than 1 million people were killed as overwhelmingly Muslim Pakistan was carved from largely Hindu India.

My grandmother is older than those countries....yet both were wary over the other's celebrations....Since they still don't like each other....both countries were expecting ish to jump off...thank goodness it didn't!

Funny how I can tie India and Africa together...India plans to invest $1billion into develop oil and mining projects in Africa's Ivory Coast over the next five years, an Indian ambassador said. The country hopes to tap into the region's vast oil wealth by accessing the Gulf of Guinea's shoreline.

India's economy is increasing at a dramtic rate due to outsourcing...and interesting program to watch on India's growth will be on tonight. The PBS show Wide Angle is running a program called "1-800 India" about outsourcing.

Here is a link with more information: http://www.pbs.org/wnet/wideangle/shows/india2/index.html

Most of you know that to dial any type of call center...and you will end up speaking to someone in Mumbai....That's only growing kids...

ASIA

ALL of Japan is excited over the birth of the newest royal. Apparently these people still think it is this particular family's right to rule of the rest of them by birthright. For such a progressive, industrial, futuristic country...it amazes me that they still believe in the rights of a so called monarchy. They have been considering legislation to allow for a female heir to rule the throne:

Under current law, only males may reign, and Japan's Imperial family — the world's oldest hereditary monarchy — has failed to produce a male heir to the throne since 1965. Changing the law is strongly opposed by many conservatives.

What difference does it make? In 2006 for anyone to hold the title Prince this or Princess that ...is ridiculous. I hope they get what they want....

Across the water in North Korea, they are experiencing serious issues. A South Korean aid group claimed Wednesday that massive floods in North Korea last month left about 54,700 people dead or missing and some 2.5 million homeless. The figure is by far the highest toll reported from floods that hit the impoverished communist country in mid-July.

But we will never know for sure...cause can't nobody really get in to document the destruction. Too afraid the daggon President might shoot them with a nuclear missle.

Japan and Russia have beef now....The Ruskies killed a Japanese crab fisherman and snatched three more. Over crabs? no...it goes back a little further..This is really over some islands the Russians snatched after WWII...after Japan surrendered...so technically they had no right to those isles...but to shoot a poor little fisherman...that's just terrible....In the article it mentions the historical timeline on this particular land of contention...This is why adults need to be refreshed on their history...and why I continually go back 50 years or more to get the start of the conflicts...apparently according to the article : The two nations have yet to sign a peace treaty formally ending World War II, with a series of talks since the collapse of the Soviet Union making no headway.

At any time some nasty ish could really jump off between these two....

First we learn about Tsunamis...next Typhoons. China is apparently trying to cover up the fact that they didn't do a good enough job of warning the residents of the small towns which suffered most of the damage from Typhoon Saomai (Venus).: "The government took too much for granted," one villager in Nanzhen told The Associated Press by telephone. "They only broadcast the typhoon forecast on TV, but a lot of fishermen who live on or near their boats do not watch TV at all."

Sounds like a Katrina reaction to me on the part of the government....the best part was that the residents of Fuding atacked the mayor when he "visited" on Monday. Maybe Bush should have been attacked in Louisiana too.

Americas

If you have been reading this for a while...you know I loves me some Hugo Chavez....So he has started a bid to become part of the UN Security Council giving Venezuela...well mostly him...the right to have a say so in the goings-on of the world....Remember my first post? I said that someone in South American region was going to make a push for it....the US is still pushing for Brazil but Chavez has gone on a worldwide tour and currently plans to to visit China to futher discussion. He has been invited to North Korea...but he's still working that out....Chavez also disagreed with this whole Israeli conflict and pulled his peoples out of Jerusalem (what were they doing there in the first place?) Keep an eye on this dude....I keep telling yall....

Enjoy your Wednesday!

Do you really? (convo with my desktop)

DJ Diva: Computer...what's up...long time no see...

My computer: yeah..yeah...You and them laptops got cozy and you forgot about me...what you want?

DJ Diva: Well you really are the kids computer and I know they use you for school...and since I dropped that drink on your keyboard...I been kinda shy about coming back...

My computer: Yeah well...I'm allright now that Scribe bought that new keyboard and mouse...

DJ Diva: But if you all right then why you moving so slow?

My computer: I'm moving slow because you have too much shit on your C hard drive. I been telling you that for years but you don't listen....and I'm getting old and I'm tired of being fat...

DJ Diva: Damn, Scribe and I need my old school music...so what do I do?

My computer: I don't know what to tell you. You need to delete some shit.

DJ Diva: Well I'll look at all of your folder sizes and delete some stuff from that.

My computer: (*huff*) Sounds good to me. I'm tired of carrying the weight.

DJ Diva: Computer! Computer!...

My computer: What? Shit...stop yelling...I'm tired...

DJ Diva: I found a huge folder...Man it's big...It's named Ska...it's at least 500 MB and the last time it was updated was 2002...surely I can delete it and you will feel better!

My computer: Uh...no. You can't do that...That folder was put here by your ex-boyfriend...you don't have the rights to do that. Find something else to delete.

DJ Diva: What? I haven't been with him in over 2 years...why wouldn't I have a right?

My computer: He gave you this desktop. He is still the administrator. You must contact hm for the rights.

DJ Diva: Bullshit! I ain't calling that a$$hol-io...I'll be right back...Let me look for a solution on my Thinkpad...

My computer: whatever...I'm going back to dragging ass...



Minutes later...



DJ Diva: Computer...I cracked it. I assigned myself adminstrative rights and I got in to look at the folder.......

My computer: Huh? What?...Oh you got in?

DJ Diva: Yeah I did...

My computer: Why the long face? What did you find?

DJ Diva: I found...............500MB of porn! All young white women...

My computer: Of the X rated variety? Long movies I presume...

DJ Diva: Yes...no...just pictures...just nasty.....theres so many.....disgusting...my stomach hurts this shit is so gross....

My Computer: What are you going to do?

DJ Diva: Wait for my next command.

My computer: You have selected a folder named Ska and all of its contents for deletion. Do you really want to do this?

DJ Diva: Yes.

My Computer: Do you really want to empty the contents in the recycle bin. Permanent removal?

DJ Diva: Already done.

My computer: Whew I feel so much better! What was that you and Scribe wanted to listen to?

DJ Diva: Let's start with some Jodeci.....

N*gga Moment #56

Yes I have had quite a few moments since my last N*gga Moment post.

Scribe and I have been together a little over three months and we have had to deal with everyone hating on our relationship. From family to neighbors to the ex-husband and the ex-wife...hell even ex boyfriends....Our love affair is apparently irking the shit out of everybody....Most of it has calmed down...at least on my end....as you can see from Scribe's latest post "The Bullsh*t"...he's still catching it. And I right there with him...being there when he needs to vent...listening quietly as he blasts obscenity laced rap songs with lyrics like "Just go ahead and shoot the n*gga then!"...That one made me stop in my tracks and look at Scribe as he recited verbatim....I laughed and walked away....

Cause I know where that comes from...how straight laced we have to be everyday and how your gentle persona can be perceived as a weakness...how your education can be a hindrance in that you can see through the bullshit....how one person can despise you at your place of employment and contrive on a daily basis to make you life hell...how people who's shit ain't together can somehow have an impact on YOUR raise and YOUR review...yet you have no input to say how they continually fuck up.

I'm cursing....because I'm mad....

Tell 'em why you mad son!

I was told during my review that one Senior Mgr felt I needed to be more proactive. I was like what did she mean by that? It was then relayed to me that I never come and ask her for work....

R U Fucking Kidding me?

I have to ask you for the work you want me to do when I have 5 other Senior Mgr and a Partner that I support as well?

You've got to be shitting me.

Ok so what does Diva do? Diva becomes more proactive with this person. She only works two days a week but I make sure I ask her in the mornings that I see her...if she thinks she'll be requiring any type of assistance that day...is anything coming down the pike that I should be aware of (whitespeak)..etc...

Monday morning I asked her...and quite flippantly she says that a big tax return for a client is due...I'm like ok well let me know when it's ready for processing and I'll block some time off to take care of it. It takes at least 2 hours to make sure the return is done properly.

When is the tax return due yall? Thursday...

When did she give me the return? Thursday at 4:30pm

So immediately I'm a little pissed. I have already signed on to do a job that was going to take me all the way till 5pm...Quitting time....like Big Boy said in "Margarita":

"5 o'clock
when I stop?
at four fifty nine"

that is somewhat my motto because it takes me over an hour to drive home....and I hate traffic...I like to just go ahead and get it over with...Ask me to come in early? I'll do it...Ask me to come in on a Saturday or Sunday? I'm there...But after 5...I hate it...

So anyway...I get the return and it turns out that she has left instructions for processing...

Just not to me...

So I have to go back and make special changes etc.,....I have already made her aware that UPS does it's last pick-up at 5:45....So she takes her sweet time reviewing it and calls me in at 6pm telling me it's ready. When I go to her office to pick it up...she hands it to me and says:

"Ok run Diva"

FUCK IS YOU TALKING TO YO?

RUN?

Do I look like Kizzie to you? Forrest Gump maybe?

I'm a grown ass woman with two kids just like you.

A degree just like you.


How dare you tell me to run? Are you stupid? And you have the nerve to say that in front of other people?

I wanted to throw the box right in her face.

All of these things were conveyed in the look I gave her. And from what others have told me...my angry looks are lethal. Deadly.

I turned and looked at this woman...who was of the Caucasian persuasion....and said:

"I ain't running nowhere. They probably already left. I hope this package gets picked up but I'm going home."

And I stalked out of that office LIVID...you hear me? LIVID...Smoke was probably coming out of my ears, nose, mouth and asshole.

All the way home I kept saying to myself:

"Run? This bitch must be out of her fucking mind! Did she really tell me to run and do something? Nah man she didn't say that shit...I know that bitch is crazy. She don't know me man...I'll quit over some shit like that. I don't give a fuck. I never have a problem finding a job. Ever! Shit I don't even wanna be driving for 2 or more hours a day anyway! Fuck that. Fuck this. Fuck her."

Yelling, cursing and venting to myself all the way home. Playing the new Styles P "Who want a Problem Huh?" (Thanks Scribe) while envisioning the satisfaction I would have gotten from throwing the return in her face...

I was all ready to vent to Scribe about it when I got home. He's great for that sort of thing. He's patient, receptive and since we basically do the same thing...he knows what I'm going through. To be anybody's assistant...you have to punk yourself. and there's no other way to put it.

You will be punked. Period.

When I got home the house was dark. I heard the Yankee game playing in the bedroom. Scribe was stretched out fast asleep with Tyrone at his side. He looked so peaceful...he had a hard day too and was so frustrated he left early..came home and went to bed. All thoughts of venting went out of the window...as I stood over him...just watching him sleep...he began to open his eyes...I sat next to him and he looked at me and the first words out of his mouth were:

I love you baby

He had no idea what I had been through...knew nothing of what had occurred...but was able to tell me exactly what I needed to hear. There could be no doubt as to why I love this man. As I told him...how someone reacts towards you when they are awaking is similar to how they say a drunk expresses themselves when inebriated. Truthful...My ex-husband woke up fighting and swinging every morning....This man loves me in his sleep as well as when he's awake.

When he fully woke up I told him all about it...but the anger and venom was gone. Wrapped in his arms I regained my respect...showered with his kisses made me soft and pink again.

The N*gga moment passed. Thank God for that!

A Love Supreme

We...meaning Scribe and I... have started a blog for our love confessions and poetry. We invite all of you to share with us. If you have a cute story or a poem about the one you love...which you think demonstrates the beauty and power of love...please feel free to share it with us. You can do it anonymously or display your name for all to see...Your choice...But with everything going on around us...what the world needs is more love!

So email us at scribediva@yahoo.com and share your stories and poems and tidbits...

It will be published at A Love Supreme

Here's my first submission:

A Love Supreme

The thought that shimmered
Ideas revolving and spinning
Calculations that glimmered
Treatises made overspanning

Large bodies of doubt
Masses of lies
Complacency not without
A fierce denial of pride

A thought of love shining
With the light of God
The idea in my head turning
Somehow ending up on my blog

Sizing them up and finding
That all fell short
Of all I was planning
Until the ball was in your court

You arrived in my life a diplomat
At once in agreement with my contemplations
A soldier for love’s combat
You slew my dragons with swift deliberations

What was behind the wall
None had ever seen
But I knew there was more to it all
A love supreme.

For my Scribe-DJ Diva, 2006

Thank you all for your time

Practice what you preach

I agree...Have a good weekend!

Back from Memphis, TN

I bring you greetings from Memphis TN. I know I left yall with a bombshell and broke out. What can I say?

Time waits for no one and things happen quickly.

Single parents like myself will understand that making arrangements with the other parent is complicated and stressful as hell!

My ex-husband moved down to ATL shortly before Katrina...No jobs. They finally got jobs and Christmas was pretty tight for him so I kept them and went crazy in Toys R Us. One of these days I have to write a post on child support….it’s very interesting…hmmm….He wanted them for the summer so I began to make plans with him in March. Dumb Move #1

This trip went from him coming to get the girls….to me flying them down there and staying with LadyLee ...to traveling with my parents at the end of the month to Memphis and him coming to get from there.

Yeah ok…I’m good…but you have to factor in parents….

After dates flying back and forth with them…I had a 24 hour window in which to tell my boss I was going away a week earlier than I planned and to tell my Scribe…..

He was shell shocked…he took it well….better than I did…my job is flexible…his…yeesh…the harpies he works with are waiting to do a swoop down…

So I stayed at the Big House…my grandmother’s enormous 6000 sq ft mini mansion….

In this huge backyard ...I was eaten alive by mosquitoes the first day…and have suffered affliction ever since! My grandmother and her sister called me sleeping beauty…sleep was the only solution for the lovesickness and the itching….All week I woke up to big fluffy biscuits and some sort of breakfast meat….….

Me and Grandma talked and talked…she praised me on my parenting skills with the twins. Who were actually on pretty good behavior….It was so much fun to watch them jump on the trampoline …and Grandma had a Red Wagon…It was so much fun to see the twins pulling each other in the wagon and riding it down the driveway…

Well dang maybe you had to be there….but I walked out of the house going to get a newspaper off the lawn…and I looked to my left and there at 8am …my daughter comes whizzing down a neighbor’s driveway…coasting across the street into the opposite driveway…in the red wagon….my grandmother lives in a very quiet community…a car may pass every 30 mins or so…They drive slow because there are a lot of children….But when I saw that…my heart leapt into my throat….This child was outside with nobody watching…and had the thrill of her life…and was on punishment the rest of the day….and no more red wagon! (How would you punish your child in that situation?)

Grandma was kinda mad with me in the beginning when I first arrived. Scribe and I spent a lot of time on the phone. About as much time as we would spend on the phone if I were home…but my grandma was a little tight. I was quite surprised that she didn’t speak negatively of my relationship or of Scribe. She sat and listened…asked me pointed questions about what we were doing, planning and feeling…She didn’t judge or get nuts like she usually does…it was something….

It felt good to finally tell her about a good man in my life. In looking back…Grandma has been instrumental in showing me the truth about my relationships…she never held her tongue….She was able to see through the snakes and call them what they were…I may never have revealed to them what she said…but I can definitely say that my eyes were not clouded over with roses after she said her piece.
But with Scribe…well it’s out there…if you go to his page you know what I mean….He is a giving man…and that’s what she always encouraged me to get….Giving…generous…Scribe gives his time…he gives his effort…he gives his funds at the drop of a dime…he gives his all…he told yall as he put it .."I’m going to work hard for this woman!”…and he does…he really does….and he’s happy to do it…He wants to do it….Scribe is so strong in spirit and belief…He leads me…not with aggression or machismo….but with common sense and understanding…I have never met anyone like him…male or female…I love this man…and I will to continue to cook for him most of the time before he asks lol…wash and iron for him…clean for him and love him…as he pays my bills and such LMAO…noooo…well yeah he does pay my bills…but noooooo…I do those things out of love and respect…and for those looks on his face…that show his pleasure and joy with loving me….

So I spent a lot time of the phone with him because I knew it was necessary to communicate ...I'm the one he really wants to tell about his day...I'm the one he wants to brainstorm with and come up with new ideas....and hearing his voice makes me melt…

Grandma got over it….quickly…because it turns out she had a boyfriend too…A Milk and Cookies to be exact!

I’ve come to the end of my train ride to work…More on the Memphis trip later….

Baby just suppose I should happen to cross your mind
And by some chance a boy like me you're really been trying to find
Well let me tell you girl
Think of how exciting it would be
If you should discover you feel like me
If you should discover this dream is for two
We'll I'm gonna tell you girl
I'd light a candle every day
And pray that you'll always feel this way
And pray that our love will forever be new
'Cause all I do is think about you