Thursday, August 17, 2006

Scribe's 3rd Takeover (His take on Tyrone my cat)

You guys are missing out if you don't read him...he is an extrordinary writer with great insight and humor infused in his subjects....And I ain't saying that just because I love him!!! LOL

I am not Diva's man.

Tyrone is.

I'll start from the beginning.

I knew Tyrone and me were going to have problems the first time we met. He sauntered over, rubbed his head and body on my legs, lured me to pet him, and bit me. That's the cat equivalent of a sucker punch.

The beef was on.

I couldn't understand why he didn't like me. I had always been friendly to cats...some of my best friends are cats. Ask Tiger or Gotham...I treated them like family. Hell, even SupposedToBe...yeah I named him SupposedToBe...he was my very first cat...he was supposed to be a Dog. SupposedToBe loved me to death. But Tyrone? Nah man. This feline saw me as one of those "Johnny Come Slide In Negroes" I'm always warning Diva about.

You know the ones.....

Happily Involved Girlfriend: "My boyfriend doesn't like poetry, I read him a poem and he didn't even understand it."
JCSIN: "Oh, he doesn't like poetry?....I LOVE poetry...I write it all the time."

Next thing you hear...

"Ancient powers of evil...transform my Langston Huuuuughes!
(Oh like you didn't watch didn't?...damn that's messed up.)

Sorry, got sidetracked...stay with me.

I had come into Tyrone's home, taken his girl, and then rubbed it in by reducing him to voyeur status. He was pissed and he was not going to take this lying down.

TYRONE'S ACTS OF REVENGE (the short list)

1. Out of the six possible places Diva and I store our clothes, I occupy 2, Tyrone has slept in both.

2. One day I'm walking past the bathroom, the door is open (kids on vacation...Hi Girls!...I miss you two sooooo much...wait until you two see your room!)...sorry...Okay, so I'm walking past the bathroom, Diva is showering and who has their ass hanging out of the shower curtain and their head all in it just visually molesting the Diva????...Tyrone. I THOUGHT CATS HATED WATER!!! No respect.

3. Take a cheese briskly rub it on the top of your hand...that's Tyrone's tounge you're feeling. I know this because this how he chose to wake me at about 3 a.m. in the morning.

4. I have a number of light colored suits. Tyrone doesn't like those. He likes the ones where his hair is sure to show up the most prominent. This is why he continually rubs his body on my pant leg...RIGHT BEFORE I'M LEAVING FOR WORK!!!!!

He has committed more acts of disrespect towards me than anything you feed and give water to should. I decided that the only way to calm this dude down was to break him down and rebuild him ala Steve Alston.

First things first....Ass whooping. Look...spare the rod, spoil the cat okay? It wasn't even like I planned it. One day he bit one of the twins, she came and told me and I was like, "Oh now you're bugging the f*ck out!" It wasn't even a "bite", more like a love-snap...still. I wore that ass out in the Bathroom (no yelling, no protection from Diva, just me and him in the box). I thought after that we'd have a new cat...we don't...we have a more determined cat. Tyrone has reverted to pining for pity to get love. I'm sure you all know Tyrone is "fixed" cajones (No nuts for a cat who's behavior suggests he has a pair the size of baseballs!). He knows Diva feels a little bad about it, I mean as a man, the jewels are mucho important and are not permitted to disappear for any length of time. Tyrone will come into the room, lay flat on his back, cock both of his hindlegs reveal an empty crotch where cajones once frolicked about. This is his way of saying..."LOOK, LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO ME....MEEEEEEE)...what a con-artist! On cue, Diva will go, "awwwww, I'm sorry baby" and then grab him up and begin to speak to him in what I've termed the "cat language".

Its unintelligible to everyone else but her and Tyrone...awwooukemensuknowmommylubsyou.....its disgusting.

So I'm at a loss now. Still getting hair all over my ish. Still getting ran up on in the middle of the night with little swipes to the ankles. Still getting no respect.

I give up.

Tyrone you win.

Diva is yours.

Yeah I'm now 4th on the depth chart, but every now and then, when Diva isn't looking...I put my foot dead in his ass...just to remind him I'm still the boss....

He doesn't get tight though...he's a recognize game.

Seriously, I love the ol' furball. Still want a dog. Have a good day!

Labels: , ,

Site Meter Who Links Here
eXTReMe Tracker