Thursday, June 22, 2006

Total Disclosure

"I love that the two of you are so open and unguarded with each other, and trust automatically. So many peeps are distrustful up front, and hold back. But I firmly believe that the best kind of love is that love that is deep and hard right at the start. At first, you find the wrong ones and end up hurt, but you only have to find the right one once." -Prod Sun (6/06)

She paced in front of the brightly lit screen. Her stomach churned and she thought about the humongous move she was about to make. One that she could never turn back from. A move that would change her relationship forever. A pause in her gait, she stopped to think of what had lead her to this point. Was it a look in his eye? Was it the late nights? How about the times he was unreachable? She shook her head. All of those things sparked the curiosity that burned in her heart, but it was ultimately his tones and speech patterns that lead her to believe something was different. The way he had been speaking to her lately, as if she was no longer Aphrodite or Venus on the half shell. No, instead now he spoke to her as if she was an afterthought, a burden, a chore. Something was going on and she was going to find out.

She sat down, remembered the clicks and hand motions he used when logging into his computer, and pressed in the 7 characters slowly. As she pressed enter, she knew that what she was looking for …she would find. She always did.

This may or may not be a fictional tale. For some of you, it may sound eerily like something you have been through before. I know I have been through it and I can admit that it was one of the darkest periods of my life.

I once read on someone’s blog (I think it was DP) that a cell phone could be one of the major causes of a relationship’s demise. He took it on the premise that person should always be accessible and this can cause problems. I took it a different way. As a form of communication that could easily turn illicit. How many of us have looked at our partner’s cell phones with the crooked eye? Or maybe like me, at one dark period in my life, listened for the tones of a password. When in a committed relationship is there really a need for all that secrecy?

What Scribe and I have done is somewhat unprecedented in my life. Total disclosure.

Huh Diva? What you mean?

I mean remember when I couldn’t get a firm grip on Wade in the Water’s life history. Blackout periods? Or even Exotic who didn’t want to share any information on his past dating history.

Well Scribe decided to give me a complete timeline containing his life’s events. Wasn’t cause I asked for it. Or even hinted at it. He wants to make sure that I am comfortable with everything that he has told me and that no skeletons will bust up out of any closets. I appreciate that. Very much. My life is pretty much an open book. I rarely lie about anything because I am ashamed of nothing. If Scribe were to ask me what I was doing and who I was with during the summer of 1994, I could give him a complete dossier including address and zip code. Scribe is just as open.

There are no cloak and dagger games. I don’t hide my cellphone or even have a password to use to check my messages from the phone. And this is not because men don’t call me. They do. There’s not a month that goes by that I don’t hear from the “Hello It’s Me” N*ggas. Last month was the Lion, this month the Soldier. But the difference is…when they call? I tell him. I don’t have anything to hide. When I came to Scribe, I was free of entanglements. There were no stragglers hanging around. It was the same with him. The old adage “Everybody has a least one “friend” hanging around”…did not apply to us. Prior to meeting each other we had cleared our slates completely clean. Two people of the same mind. That’s a wonderful thing.

Our financial lives have also been disclosed and plans made for the move to Memphis. Plans which will take effect very soon. But that’s another story.

But we have taken it a step further. Well he did first.

As writers and internet junkies, we both have a pretty active online life. I know that may sound weird….but I consider most of yall my friends…I probably talk to a lot of you via email and IM…you have heard about my life for the almost the last 2 years….my achievements and disappointments…and I have been just as engrossed with yours.

Imagine my surprise when Scribe said “Here’s the passwords to all my accounts.”

At first I was like “Hale No, he aint getting mine.” Then I thought about why I was so reluctant. I can be a hoarder…for no reason at all other than sometimes I need stuff from the past. But emails and other junk from past men I don’t need. I don’t need to be reminded of what was said and done. But for some reason I kept them. All. I had emails from 2002…that’s how bad it was…That was the main reason I was hesitant…. the fact that I didn’t want anyone looking at that stuff yet I didn’t know if I should get rid of it.

I solved that problem. I went through my 4000+ emails and erased everything. From the “I want you backs” to the “you’re a real bitch(es)”. I got rid of all the messages and saved files in the archives. I purged my email of all past Negroes who I know for a fact I will never ever want to be with again (Why when I have the best man God could send me?) After the disposal was over, I felt so free. I didn’t need to hang on to all of that mess. It should have been gone a long time ago! After I did it, I called Scribe and told him what I had done. He was so great about it. Surprised at first, he assured me that it wasn’t necessary, but in the end we both agreed that it was a great move. Although he didn’t say it, I’m sure he did the same before he gave me his.

And you know what? Having his password has actually been useful a couple of times.

There is no guile with Scribe. The things that have happened to me….have happened to him. A little more extreme in his case…but we have been through the same things and have the same reactions. I know that I won’t have to guess about what’s going on with him. Having been there, he wants to make sure that we are both comfortable and secure.
I hope that all made sense.

You know…this trust thing is great.

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