Hello It's Me Syndrome

*BRRRINGGGG* (well actually my phone sings "Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?")

You ever got one of these phone calls?

"Hello, it's me, It's me baby
I've thought about us for a long, long time"

In the last ten days...I have been contacted by every damn one of the ex-boyfriends. (Are they on the same fucking schedule?)

I call it the "Hello" syndrome. Ronald Isley was really able to convey the sentiments exactly on point in this song. Me and C were previewing the Isley Brothers radio blog Sunday and I began to wax poetically on the subject....

"Maybe I think too much but something's wrong
There's something here that doesn't last too long
Maybe I shouldn't think of you as mine"

They know I'll pick up the phone...or even write back...80% of the time... with no malice...just simply wishing them well and hoping that their life is progressing..But it has become inevitable that the men that i decided to indulge in a long term relationship with...will try to contact me. This has gone on for 18 years. Don't matter if I move...change numbers...hell even change my identity...It doesn't work. They find me...


"Seeing you
Or seeing anything as much as I do you
I take for granted that you're always there
I take for granted that you just don't care
Sometimes I can't help seeing all the way through"

The only ex who still has the authority to call is my ex-husband. But my ex bofriends know my nature. I don't stay mad long. I don't hold grudges either (Except for Ms.RW..I aint letting that go ever!) So they use that against me...and call..or write. I'm usually flattered...I mean Soldier Boy from 20 years ago still manages to sing the above song...from active duty Iraq (got a call last week).

But see... you have to continue through the lyrics...

With the communication...they will try to get a foot in the door..."Oh you're single".. "Wow for that long?" "HMMM"

"It's important to me that you know you are free
'Cause I never want to make you change for me"

They stress how wonderful a person I am/was...think that the buttering up will prepare me for what's coming next...

"Think of me
You know that I'd be with you if I could
I'll come around to see you once in a while
Or if I ever need a reason to smile
And spend the night if you think I should"

The Lion actually tried this on Monday.(I told yall the Lion would be prowling around my door come wintertime...I swear I'm psychic LOL) He was shot down quicker than Diallo (ok maybe that was a bad reference) But they know they really don't want nothing ...a night of passion? A brief re-kindling of the fire that burned between us? Maybe a night curled up on my couch watching TV in that familiar way we may have once had...with a plate of my good food in their stomach....Either way...they assume that my singleness equals lonliness...

That's a mistaken equation...

I dont have to be single...I chose to be...I refuse to settle...I've received enough stripes by the "Love Lash" to have earned that right. I honestly feel like "If you ain't right for me? NEXT! Please step out of the mf-ing way and don't waste my time"....I told yall I wasn't playing...

The ex boyfriends remember how easy it felt while they were with me...and the type of attention they got....What they fail to realize is that I'm done with looking behind me...I have been for quite sometime...years in fact. What they have now become are "Faded pictures in a broken glass".....

And I want everything new from now on...New life, new school, new place, new car and new dick...sorry to put it that bluntly...but it's true...

I'm not ever going to dip back into my past again...because as my grandmother put it:

"When you shit in the toilet...you don't go back and get it do you? Leave that shit in there and flush him! "

I always thought Grandma was crazy...Why on earth would she say that? But now I truly understand the wisdom in this crude reference...And I am so glad for that... If I have already purged you out of my system...why pick you back up knowing that you are useless to me? That means I didn't learn anything from my experience with you and I'm like a child playing with shit...

So as with the Lion on Monday...my response to the rest of the "Hello, It's Me" niggas is going to remain

"Oh thanks for checking up on me...but I have to do________, Take care"

*CLICK*