Friday, September 15, 2006

Scribe's 4th Takeover (Yes She's Mine)

ok I'm shameless....I can't help it...He loves me and I love him....

Oh Yes She's Mine

I have been a sensitive, emotional mess these last few weeks. Do men PMS? Okay that sounds kind of um..."happy" Still. It really is time to take off the dress, kill the waterworks, and stop the tea party. I'm a man after all and men "man up". Yesterday, the world as one comedian said, tapped me on the shoulder and said..."Hey its me, the world, and you're gonna cry today." So after I let loose on the Staten Island Ferry, I realized all the great things about my life, and how much love I'm getting from home. I'm blessed y'all so blessed.

The Twins.

T & T started the first full week of school this week. Diva and I take turns each night reading to them for at least a half-hour. When a child reads one day, and then reads better two days later, and then even better a day later, you feel so proud. Diva got them "Judy Blume" books to read on their own. I usually read Arthur or Disney tales. THEY LOVE IT. You have to remember that I've never had children embrace me like these two girls. When I walk through the door they bumrush me. When I tell them something, they listen and respond. One a little slower than the other, but they respond nonetheless. The credit must be given to their mother. She ensures that they know that they must listen to me. And I think I do a good job of getting them to trust me not tell them anything wrong. My ex-wife used to take delight in seeing me struggle with her boys, that's why I started whooping ass. You laugh, but it worked. After a couple of bathroom sessions with the shower on...I'd say jump to one of them, not realizing they were already in the air!

Diva is the disciplinarian and she don't play. I'm the softie, but I make sure I don't make her the "bad guy" Like I said before, "I giveth plenty, and I taketh away swiftly" When we decide to discipline they know that not only do I agree with the discipline but I'm partially responsible for it. When they came home, we laid down some new rules to them. And together we both let them know...this school year...we're not tolerating any lack of interest in education. None. So they know, Scribe is nice, but he aint playing. You will learn.

The other day, I watched Diva reading to them and having such a good time, I walked over and whispered in her ear "I'm proud of you" She loved that. I was too, so many parents are too tired or too something to take time out for their children. Diva and I are usually exhausted after work, but we push it because we know how important it is. I've agreed to escort them to the babysitter in the morning before catching the bus to work. Its a short walk but one I've begun to look forward to. I start the walk with one question..."Okay...who's the smartest 3rd graders ever?" Response. "We are." Maybe there is something to this encouragement thing. If there are two more encouraged people I'd like to meet them, because these girls don't know the word can't. When they can't do something, they get mad and keep trying...I love that, I absolutely love that. Who do you think that comes from? damn sure ain't me. I just got here. Its Diva. Diva doesn't allow them to quit on themselves. Even if it means letting them have it verbally, they know they are capable. She often asks me "am I too hard on them" my answer is always "No." We live in a neighborhood, where kids lose hope at ,10 years of life. "No." We live in a neighborhood, where girls get pregnant at 16. "No" We live in a neighborhood where boys "get in that ass" at 13..."No!" My thinking is that the world will be harder on them then she can ever be. They need the discipline and love that only a mother can give to her daughter. I am proud to say, Diva is a great a$$ mother. Me? I'm just going along for the ride and enjoying every minute. These girls are gonna be special, they already are and I'm going to be around when they blossom and achieve their full-potential.


It is a credit to Diva that she sees the the "quiet strength" in me. I'm not very intimidating, amiable to a fault sometimes, 6"2', light skinned and 170lbs...not exactly Ray Lewis of the Baltimore Ravens okay. Nor do I want to be. I love who I am and how I rock. Some women, sadly, have taken that the wrong way...thinking they can just walk all over me. Nah man...Scribe don't play that punk sh*t. I've cut women off and deaded them forever for playing me soft. But I never have to defend my manhood, nor is it ever questioned. In fact, Diva has really made me even stronger as a person. She constantly tells me how happy she is to have a "real man" in the house. She always shows appreciation for even the little things. Even the things I "should" do.

She sees that "manhood" isn't about intimidation, its about having the fortitude to stand, provide, and deliver. Its also about sacrificing your wants for the needs of your family. I've been trying to get someone to love me like that for I don't know how long. For the last 4 months, I've had that person.

When I first laid eyes on Diva, I said to myself, "I'm keeping her." Some how, some way she's gonna be mine. That was Day 1. We are on month 4 and she's mine...Oh yes she's mine. And I'm so proud. There is a God. There really is. Be blessed today. I am.

I love you Diva!


Labels: , ,

Monday, September 11, 2006

9/11 "Here and There"

Yeah I was there
But close by
20 blocks away
On my way to work
Pumping a stolen Jay Z’s new album
In a stolen CD player
Knew there would be hell to pay
But as the CD hit the first track
for the second time
I knew I was late
And there would be worse consequences
And repercussions
But I was going to get there
It was too important for me to get there

Ignorant to all
Who can understand a subway PA
System that was actually silent
On a day when it should have been
Blasting through the tightly packed bodies
Of various others who had
to get there

I emerged from the station
Saw the panic and terror
The smoke and screaming
The wide eyes and the
Nostrils spreading across
Frightened Senior Managers and Partners faces
That bore the horror
Of being THERE
Running for their lives
Thinking of the lives that were still

But I was going to get there
I had to be there
To reach a job that cared
nothing for me
That I now see
I stood on the street
surrounded by others
Probably on probation like me
Placed there by an angry He/She
Had been cut in two
Was only one building standing

“Don’t you know what happened”
“One fell already”
“Oh my God what the hell happened down there?”

I fell to my knees right there
Dry heaving a coffee
I wished I had drank
Entrails caught in a vise
I felt pain
in my nails
my hair
my veins
my heart
Is this really happening here?
Am I really here?
To watch the other building there

As I watched the crumbling mass
Heard the screams
from those gathered
on the ground
With me
in a small crying
crowd on
20th street
I saw what could only be
to what those saw
In Lebanon

Here it happened
And I was there
I’m still not ok
because I was there
I ain't all the way there
But I’m still here
I'm still here

Wednesday, September 06, 2006


Once I was told by an ex boyfriend:

"I ain't paying no bills up in here"

regardless of the fact we had been together for two years and he was at my house 5 days a week...eating...drinking...turning on lights that through which electricity must have magically appeared( to him)....could turn on a big TV whenever he got ready and watch any channel on cable...Platinum package (cause I likes it like that)

"I ain't tricking off of you...what you think this is? You better find some other n*gga!"

That's what he said to me....and that's exactly what I did.

I have spoken to yall before about how I was raised...and I believed that a man is supposed to do for me....But to be expectations were lower than I would say Serenity's are....regionally is hard as hell to find a man to chip into a household...much less one he didn't create...

Here in is more common for a man to want to know how much you make and what you can do for him. As a result I became very tight with my funds...Take a man out? Please ...unheard of...Would barely buy a man a soda....Why should I? If I'm paying all of the bills...I aint buying you nothing but toilet paper!

Not too long ago...a man's responsibility was to provide a place for his new wife/girl to live. He couldn't screw her in his or her momma's he had to go out and secure a shelter for them to have privacy...and most GOOD men did just that!

In these times...spending money on a woman is considered tricking...yet if you need to lay down with that would think nothing of spending $100 on a hotel or motel room for that pleasure why not my light bill of $100?

I believe it may have a lot to do with rap music....which I love...but we all know that these generations of mens 40 and younger have (to put it plainly)...a fucked up way of thinking toward women, family, responsibility and what it takes to maintain a household.

When Scribe and I made the decision to live together...The first thing we talked about was finances. I told him what I expected ....and he agreed....Then he discovered that he could contribute more than I asked for...and he did it.

Not because I asked him to...or required him to...

He did it because he is a man... and he wants his household taken care of without stress on him or me. He considers the home his home....and he is very protective of that.

See....that's the kind of man that I wanted. Where I wouldn't have to be afraid to talk about bills and expenses.....because he's right there with me through it all. Between the both of us....we are almost into a triple digit income....and we can support our lifestyle very well.... because he's not afraid to contribute his share and more....

It has been said that I keep mentioning his monetary contributions....and I guess I have...I'm not bragging...I'm happy...Happy that my man is not a selfish individual...that he has a heart...and he truly cares about my mental well being...because every month around the 1st...I get sick....not physically sick...mentally queasy....Even if I have money to cover everything...I still get stressed out....he doesn't...he's cool with it....and that stabilizing force has been making these 4 months unbelievable.

Yeah it's been 4 months now....

So when I discussed the topic of tricking with him...and how some have said I'm juicing him or manipulating him (Hi Ahshar)....he had something to say and I posted it below....

But what are your thoughts on Tricking? Is it not a new concept brought about by the effects of hip hop?


My woman’s worth has no value;
So when I’m told I’m tricking…
You’ll have to excuse me if I laugh
I’m just processing the absurdity.
And begging the question
How much does it cost?
How much does it cost to fill a void?
To have your life given a sense of urgency….purpose
To know that to at least one person…you are important
To know you are…enough.
For a cloud to walk on
For an end to the indifference that sullied
my pride and stifled the glow of my spirit.
Once…for a whole summer.
How much for an ear to listen
a push towards your true self
The person you tucked away alone at the club
Again I ask….How much does it cost????
What would I have to pay
For access….
to freakishly satisfying, unabated affection
knowing with each touch
with each kiss
with each “Yes” and each “More”
and each “Damn Girl” and “Yes Daddy”
and each “Like that Mommy?"
you are experiencing something so foreign
it makes you question if you ever were
truly in love with anyone else.
How much?
I could get a raise and not be able to cover the cost
I could take a second job
And still come up short…by millions.
For I could not pay enough
Nor could I give enough
To keep you
In my life
I think God must be paying the difference.


Sunday, September 03, 2006

Holding Up Your Finger-Church

Have you ever attended a church service and saw someone hold up a finger as they are exiting the sanctuary during the service?

What does it mean?

During the slavery days when the masters took their slaves with them to public gatherings, the slaves would always sit in the balcony. When the slave had to go to the bathroom or wanted to be excused for any other reason, they would hold their hand up and keep it up until their master acknowledged that they saw their hand and gave them permission to leave or in other words "excused them to leave". After the slave was given permission to leave, they would hold up one finger as they were leaving to inform anyone that saw them leave that they had been excused. So it means "My Master has excused me".

That is where the "holding up one finger while leaving the Sanctuary" carried over from.

Which goes to show that you should investigate rituals before you follow them.

The next time you see someone holding up their finger, just tell them:

"It's okay to leave the plantation, you've been freed!

-the above was an actual email sent to me by my COGIC church

Goodbye Andre

Good Bye Great Champion. You have provided me with endless tennis watching suspense and enjoyment. I watched your last match today and although you had obvious pain, you still provided us with an exciting match. I shall miss you Andre Agassi...You are certainly one of the world's best.(official disclaimer: Scribe does not care for the half naked picture of Andre:End)

Site Meter Who Links Here
eXTReMe Tracker