Wednesday, September 06, 2006


Once I was told by an ex boyfriend:

"I ain't paying no bills up in here"

regardless of the fact we had been together for two years and he was at my house 5 days a week...eating...drinking...turning on lights that through which electricity must have magically appeared( to him)....could turn on a big TV whenever he got ready and watch any channel on cable...Platinum package (cause I likes it like that)

"I ain't tricking off of you...what you think this is? You better find some other n*gga!"

That's what he said to me....and that's exactly what I did.

I have spoken to yall before about how I was raised...and I believed that a man is supposed to do for me....But to be expectations were lower than I would say Serenity's are....regionally is hard as hell to find a man to chip into a household...much less one he didn't create...

Here in is more common for a man to want to know how much you make and what you can do for him. As a result I became very tight with my funds...Take a man out? Please ...unheard of...Would barely buy a man a soda....Why should I? If I'm paying all of the bills...I aint buying you nothing but toilet paper!

Not too long ago...a man's responsibility was to provide a place for his new wife/girl to live. He couldn't screw her in his or her momma's he had to go out and secure a shelter for them to have privacy...and most GOOD men did just that!

In these times...spending money on a woman is considered tricking...yet if you need to lay down with that would think nothing of spending $100 on a hotel or motel room for that pleasure why not my light bill of $100?

I believe it may have a lot to do with rap music....which I love...but we all know that these generations of mens 40 and younger have (to put it plainly)...a fucked up way of thinking toward women, family, responsibility and what it takes to maintain a household.

When Scribe and I made the decision to live together...The first thing we talked about was finances. I told him what I expected ....and he agreed....Then he discovered that he could contribute more than I asked for...and he did it.

Not because I asked him to...or required him to...

He did it because he is a man... and he wants his household taken care of without stress on him or me. He considers the home his home....and he is very protective of that.

See....that's the kind of man that I wanted. Where I wouldn't have to be afraid to talk about bills and expenses.....because he's right there with me through it all. Between the both of us....we are almost into a triple digit income....and we can support our lifestyle very well.... because he's not afraid to contribute his share and more....

It has been said that I keep mentioning his monetary contributions....and I guess I have...I'm not bragging...I'm happy...Happy that my man is not a selfish individual...that he has a heart...and he truly cares about my mental well being...because every month around the 1st...I get sick....not physically sick...mentally queasy....Even if I have money to cover everything...I still get stressed out....he doesn't...he's cool with it....and that stabilizing force has been making these 4 months unbelievable.

Yeah it's been 4 months now....

So when I discussed the topic of tricking with him...and how some have said I'm juicing him or manipulating him (Hi Ahshar)....he had something to say and I posted it below....

But what are your thoughts on Tricking? Is it not a new concept brought about by the effects of hip hop?


My woman’s worth has no value;
So when I’m told I’m tricking…
You’ll have to excuse me if I laugh
I’m just processing the absurdity.
And begging the question
How much does it cost?
How much does it cost to fill a void?
To have your life given a sense of urgency….purpose
To know that to at least one person…you are important
To know you are…enough.
For a cloud to walk on
For an end to the indifference that sullied
my pride and stifled the glow of my spirit.
Once…for a whole summer.
How much for an ear to listen
a push towards your true self
The person you tucked away alone at the club
Again I ask….How much does it cost????
What would I have to pay
For access….
to freakishly satisfying, unabated affection
knowing with each touch
with each kiss
with each “Yes” and each “More”
and each “Damn Girl” and “Yes Daddy”
and each “Like that Mommy?"
you are experiencing something so foreign
it makes you question if you ever were
truly in love with anyone else.
How much?
I could get a raise and not be able to cover the cost
I could take a second job
And still come up short…by millions.
For I could not pay enough
Nor could I give enough
To keep you
In my life
I think God must be paying the difference.


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