I'm Hurtin, I'm Sad, and I'm Mad (repost)

This is a repost from August 30 and September 1st, 2005.....Happy Birthday Katrina...I will never forget how you made me feel ...A year later and I'm still Hurtin, sad, and mad...Seems like nothing changed...

August 30th, 2005:

In light of the recent catastrophe...I've been glued to the news for images and reports.

For me? Hurricane Katrina began on Sunday afternoon. If I don't go to church on Sunday, I listen to Kiss Fm for the Open Line news program and watch CNN. I was reclining on the couch and my phone rings. It's C ringing in from Memphis and this is how the convo went:

Diva: Hey dog, there a big hurricane coming in down south. Yall heard the news?

C: Naw, you know we don't get no fucking news here.

Diva: How come u get MTV and not CNN? (Silence) Well shit, this thing is big. The red circle is enormous. They talking 'bout it's gonna wipe out New Orleans.
C: New Orleans? The city?
Diva: No, the country. Yeah the city!
C: That's a big city
Diva: Yeah man
C: Ain't that where them Cash Money Boys is from? And uhh what's his name. "Make you say UGH"
Diva: Yeah Master P. The weird thing is they keep showing the diagram of the city and how it could potentially flood. Like why would anybody build a city between two levies? That makes no sense to me. Like it was meant to flood.
C: Levies?
Diva: (realizing I would have to explain the concept of levies to her while she's in a Jeep with 3 kids) Simply put...they put it between a lake and a river.
C: Well that was stupid.
Diva: I know. They talking about evacuation.
C: You know what? They say that shit all the time and don't nothing happen. Look how many times they put them people out of Florida.
Diva: I know. Spending all that money in gas..... driving. (Gas is now a touchy subject)
C: Yeah gas is high as hell!

How many of you thought the same thing when you first heard it was coming?

I wish that we were right and the evidence of the destruction was wrong.

We now know that it was serious. It looked like a tsunami hit.

C doesn't have any power in the house because of the hurricane. And she's in Memphis, TN. The Electric Company worker told her that it would take a week for working power in the house. All the way to work, there were no working street lights. There were reports of disoriented elderly roaming the streets in the area where she lives. I can only imagine what those people further South in New Orleans and MS are going through.

I really feel for them and my prayers are constantly buzzing in the Lord's ear.

Please send up a couple yourselves.

September 1st,2005:



I'm fucking heated. I'm watching them let my people die down there in New Orleans and I want to hurt somebody. The people are dying down there and this fucking government is letting them suffer. I don't talk alot about race and heavy topics like that. Anything I say could be misinterpreted by anyone. That's why I love writing. What's said is on paper.

But this has elevated my stress like crazy. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I can't focus in class. I had to write it out to even stop thinking about it. I was chatting with Grayse yesterday. We agreed that now is the time when we need our troops home. Who better to help out in an emergency like this? The young and able men of our country. Who are dying over there in Iraq. It's so retarded. I mean, what's really going on here? Right Spike? I can't seem to stop talking about it. Sassywow and I have been on constant IM. Even my baby Bro and I watch the news together in our respective homes..I'm stressed out.

I wanna do something. I have nothing but my prayers and a budgeted donation. My hands feel so tied. My people are dying and I can't help. I can write about how angry I was when I saw the difference between the captions as Fresh pointed out in Crunk. I mean really...Everybody would be going to grab some sustenance. I don't know about the brother carrying the TV...or the woman with the shopping cart full of purses that I saw on CNN. But why White folks "find" and Black folks "loot". It makes me so angry. Why are my people stuck in their projects...gathered in the streets...and all they want to show me are some fools running into Walmart?
Finally, I'm seeing them show images from the Convention Center. The government ain't got shit to say so far about those people. There are some good things going on with San Antonio opening up their Dome. But who wants to live in a football dome for months? We have a real crisis on our hands. And I'm scared. I read blogs about people who have had to double up their homes, like Serenity 23 and I feel for them. I wept and prayed for those that couldn't be found like Nikki and Diggs. And I shouted with joy when they were reported safe. I have begun to love my blog family. Lord, I can even fathom how Jamal and EJ must feel. And all the others that I don't even know about.

This hurts. And I hurt for all of you. I just wanted to write that. And I'm so sad. And very Mad!


A year later...how do yall feel?