Tits and Dick

I hope you all had a very good holiday. I don't really celebrate Christmas...it ain't really Christ's B'day...so I don't get into all of that ...Could it be my Hebrew history?...and not to mention the fact tht they didn't have big ass trees in Israel...so there no way that all this Christmas treeing should be going on...Folks just like to run up electricity...Did I have a tree? HMMM uh yeah...but it's a Barbie tree..Barbie?...yeah 2 feet high...bright pink with shoes and pocketbooks for ornaments and a jeweled tiara for the top piece...I use it to put the twins's stuff on that they make me in school...and I get the cutetest stuff too!...And they brought me some very nice gifts...my girls have good taste when it comes to their mommy!...They want nothing but the best for her!

But on this wonderful holiday...I had to address two very important two interesting conversations based on gentalia...Breasts and Dick (not penis...I call it dick...so I can inwardly giggle when I meet someone with the name..)

Which one you want first? HMMM

....

Ok the Tits...

Ladies...PLEASE...PLEASE...PLEASE...stop using your bra as a damn pocketbook. I mean it...really...I know our mommas safety pinned our money to our panties growing up...but us females in this day and age have to stop the madness!!!

I met up with a girlfriend for lunch the other day..around the same age as me...bout the same titty size...we get to the cashier and I offer to pay...you know I'm mad glad to see her right? Cause I'm crazy cheap LOL...She says "Naw girl I got it!" (which is a mistake cause if I ever offer to pay ...u better take me up on it!) She reaches down her shirt...in front of all the white executives from this Fortune 500 company I used to work for...in front of like 30 people of assorted sexes and races...the Mexican cashier...ME!!!...lifts a titty and pulls out 5 dollars...

Now to avoid all of that shit I would have definetely paid!

Oh...but wait...it happened twice in one month...

I'm in court preceedings with my Mother (can't tell why...nothing criminal) But I am somewhat her Legal representative (paralegal classes at 23) and her lawyers are on her other side and the judge is talking...all of a sudden there's a meowing in the court room...the court reporter stops typing... the judge looks up...the laywer is looking on the floor under the desk...I am in shock...cause I know that damn sound!...It's Mommy's cellphone!...it's so realistic that I sometimes think it's Tyrone when I hear it ring!

I'm thinking to myself :"Oh Lord...please let it be in her purse"...

NO!

My momma reaches in her 48 EE's (yeah I know...what the fuck happened to me?) and pulls out her cellphone and shuts it off...if you coulda seen the look on the judge's face...

He said "Mrs. Diva's mom...I fully expected you to pull a cat out of there...I have seen some strange things in my time...but that would have taken the cake!"

Please...stop putting shit in your titties...It's ridiculous...I get scolded all the time...cause I won't do it...and I do walk around with an open purse sometimes...I don't know why...Too much on my mind...but I have only been robbed once...and was when I was 19 and too busy looking for a bikini for the Greek Fest at Jones Beach...and my purse was closed!

If you out with me...and you carry stuff up top? make sure I don't see it...cause I'ma blast you!

Dick

How do I approach this subject nicely? I have a lot of male friends...I've never hid that...and sometimes we have some crazy convos..by the way ...shout out to the 18 texts I recieved yesterday from my boys...love yall...so Streetwise (new nickname Hint) and I were chatting yesterday...He stopped by for a plate of food...and somehow the convo turned to the difference in circumsized and uncircumsized...Now I'll be honest with you...I have no problem listing pro's and con's...I'm not a dick conisseur per se (stroking mustache)...but I have had both types...and there are differences...So as we talked...we went over my list:

Cleanliness: Hands down circum. Uncircum has all that extra skin...and fellas yall dont wipe after every piss...and well frankly...the thought of it makes me want to barf...now circum...well it's just straight skin... so no hidden pockets...of bacteria...cheese...ugh!...My mother told me a story about my father...and yall know he's from DR...and they don't cirum down there ..well at least not then...well yall don't want to know...Hell.. I didn't wanna know Mommy!

Length: Well if you had asked me 8 years ago...I would have said circum...but I have learned some stuff since then...so I will say that it's about a tie..the extra flappage has nothing to do with the size of the dick...however I think that it does have something to do with head size...Dick head on circum...are usually bigger...more of a circumference so to speak...and height certainly has nothing do with it (AD: you happy now?)...my previous requirements were 6 feet and over...and I was good until ...well...my ex-husband is 6'7"...and he had a small flabby problem

Feeling: Ok...now we get to the good part...U ready?...Uncircum...I know...how could that be? but I think we have to go back to the extra skin...it provides extra friction...or something...it just does something extra...LOL...I remember my first one who taught me that..Darrio Flores (yeah I put that in case if he should ever google his name LOL) Lord have mercy!...I was 23 and mezmerized...I sang straight to him at B 52's after that...the first time I ever said someone else's name! A whole 'nother level...ok easy...back up...Diva contain yourself LOL

Streetwise was heavily into this convo...It's cool we can talk that way...

I'm just throwing this up in the air...you can catch it or let it fall to the ground...