Touchy Tuesdays/Threesomes

Last week Tuesday..I was cranky. Seems like I'm feeling a little 'motional on some stuff again today.

Disclaimer: This is a touchy subject. And I may say some shit you don’t like.

*Dimming the light*

I want to talk about threesomes today. Actually, Big Momma Lue and I were talking about it yesterday. The conversations that I have with my mother and grandmother have morphed into pseudo-friendship-y types of subjects. Sex, Men, Marriage are now discussed freely with no discretion because I’m “Little Diva” LOL. Nah…now they let it all out. However, I am smarter than they think. I ain't that crazy...They are not gonna make me slip up and tell them something I really know they don’t want to hear. Then I get cursed out…or inspire a long prayer session. I don’t know which one is more embarrassing lol…

Me and Mom talking about threesomes. And we died laughing when we both said simultaneously, “maybe with two men.” LMAO…How my momma gonna say that? But seriously? The reason for this post?

Threesomes?

Don’t Even Fucking Think About Asking Me!

Sorry, I had to curse…but shit is serious and quite touchy.

I attribute my feeling this way to 3 main factors.

I’m selfish.
I am not gay.
I am that woman you can take home.

Now feel me on this.

“I’m selfish”
I don’t share food. If you see me giving someone something off my plate?…Look twice. It may be the last time you’ll ever see something like that. I hate to share my food. I had to learn to do it with the twins. And I may have slipped someone I was digging a piece here and there...But you’ll still see things like separate ice cream in my freezer. You’ll see me cringe at someone sipping off of my drink. Nah...just go on and drink it!... You could mess around and catch some herpes simplex 80 from that. A girl in my school bit my hamburger, and though I was starving that day, I took one look at the oozing sore above her pretty lip, and told her she could have it. At least I could see the germs that day…Imagine if I was the sharing kind? Now, if you ask me for a threesome, you are expecting me to share food. Something that I’m eating….Not gonna happen. If I’m giving a professional, I’m certainly not gonna share the meal with someone else. Are you kidding me? The germs alone!!!!!! Do you know that your mouth is the nastiest place on your body? Cue up the visual picture: Her Lips? My Lips? Hell no! I don’t kiss a lot of people. Mom, Twins, hmmmm…no I don’t kiss very many people. Well, I was about to reveal more so I’ll stop here LOL

"I’m Not Gay"

Look. I’ve said it before. I don’t have a problem with those who are gay. Whatever floats your boat and all that jazz. But me? Nah..I’ve never had an interest in other boobies or coochies (but that’s a whole ‘nother post). I’ve been out and complimented other women. “You can find something nice to say to anybody you see”: is my motto. If a female looks nice…or you can tell she put a little extra time in….Give her the props! However, my thoughts while gazing at the well-heeled, well-dressed, well-coifed female, are not “Damn, look at that rack, I wonder if she knows her nipples are showing, Oooh I wanna suck one”. I have absolutely no desire for other breasts. Female or male. I like my own. I’ve had them for over 20 years now and we have grown into quite a trio. A threesome introduces objects too similar to my own…and quite frankly I don’t think they’ll take too kindly to the situation. Being the jealous pair that I know they are…They might revolt or some shit if their affections were usurped by another pair of boobs. LOL (Maybe that should have been included with the selfish part) No, but seriously… I have all of the equipment…if you need more than that? Check into a rehab…Cause you’re overdosing.

"I’m the woman you can take home."
Like I said …this is my personal opinion…you can agree or disagree…but a man can’t look me in the face and tell me that he loved his woman more because she gave him a threesome. Hell no. He’ll be looking at her cockeyed when it’s time to “meet the family”. I also believe that although men may say they want one…if Tasha was riding his face while Tisha was on his dizzle today?….Chances are come Thanksgiving?.. He’ll be taking Renee home to meet Moms because she told his ass no! So no...I ain't sleeping with you and another chick...That would make me a side chick...and I would never settle for that...bad shit could happen to you...Karma and all that....I mean you could still try and make me a side chick...but the date wouldn't last long enough for you to ask me some crazy mess like that. Shoot...those people end up on Jerry and Maury. (I been home too long this summer)

Now I could be wrong in all of this…Hell I’m human. But I’m feeling a little touchy today…It’s Tuesday.

If a man were to ask me something like that once, I may let it slide…Twice…or even try to introduce another party into the equation? Yo…I’m running. Like that Terry Fox, the one legged man who ran across Canada with a prosthetic leg (True story…Me and C watched the movie)…I’m hauling ass…cause that is no man that I need to be around.

*Turning the light off*