Time To Hide The Porn

My boy Prodigal Sun sparked a topic that's been brewing and fermenting in my brain for a minute now...

Porn

If you don't watch or enjoy Porn...this isn't the post for you. Please skip down and enjoy a trip through my archives...

The first videos I ever got were from my mother's girlfriend. She was moving and had decided to get rid of all her video tapes. She said "Diva, take whatever you want"...and you know a nucca love some free ish! I looked through the box and saw the title of the first tape in the box.

"DEEP THROAT"

What?

Could this be?



An actual copy of the famed movie that I had heard whispers about for years? Oh yeah...I'm keeping this one. I shuffled around in the box and saw names like John Holmes (that white man was incredible) and Vanessa Del Rio(she lived around the corner from me in Harlem....I never could look at her the same LOL). I yelled to my mom's friend, "I'm keeping the box". The giggles that erupted from the kitchen were deafening! I sat down with a box of Crunch a Munch and watched 3 tapes in one sitting. If you know anything about 70's porn...they had plots and storylines and somebody was always driving somewhere, eating up film time, but providing a nice scenic backdrop of the California countryside LOL...the films were at least an hour and a half.

(if you haven't seen them....get a copy...they are more comedy than porn)

I also remember the first time I bought a tape. I wore a grey trenchcoat with hat and waited until the street was empty before I entered. No shades cause I had to be able to see the perverts lurking...I ran to the section I wanted and picked up 3 tapes. The Arab man asked if I wanted batteries...I looked at him like he was retarded. I said "These tapes come with equipment?" He quickly shook his head and bagged up my 3 for 10 in a matte black paper sack. I then jumped on the train for the hour ride home...Watching everyone...trusting noone LOL

Most of my tapes are gone now...stolen by ex-boyfriends or male relatives who come over for THANKSGIVING!!!!(they promise to return them...but u know how it goes)..I still have a tiny collection. And I think somebody's been watching them......

It's not that the tapes have been rewinded or forwarded...but who really remembers where they stopped the tape? (I do)...Most of my stuff is on the computer anyway...But the tapes have all disappeared...

I couldn't figure it out...Did they walk out? Did my religious neighbor throw them in the garbage when she watched my kids as I drove to the store to get Similac for her in the damn rain???? (And I was ready to let her have it)

I decided to ask my honey...I was nervous as hell...you see..to me porn is like a window in a person's sexual soul. I will admit to checking out a dude's porn covertly while he's in the bathroom or something....if you see a cover like "Golden Showers with Amber Rain"...You know u better hit the door...unless you like that sort of thing....So if my honey had indeed watched them...then he would really see my prefrences or fetishes or hell even some fantasies..And if he had in fact watched it and thrown it away in some sort of macho "My woman don't need to watch no ish like this"...I knew there would be problems and I didn't know if I was ready to face it...

He said, "Oh yeah baby, I put those away...the girls know how to work the VCR and I saw them laying about when I was putting up the drapes in your bedroom...well I just thought it best I stash them...I put them in your crochetbox with the yarn"

*Sigh* He's the greatest!

How cool...I had forgotten all about the girls...I shudder to think of them slipping in one of those videos...can you hear them? "Oh the blue tape is for Blues Clues"...LORD HAVE MERCY!!!

So my friends...put away the porn...Thanksgiving is upon us and litle Ray Ray and Shequeya will be running around while everybody's struggling with nucca-itis and gabbing like they aint seen each other since the Labor Day BBQ...You don't want them childrens exposed to your sexual freakiniess!!!!!

Learn from the Diva!